Here I am over two weeks into this blog and already I feel like I have failed. I thought by now I should have been able to tell you all how excited I was that I have lost weight. I'm truly struggling, I thought this would be a little easier. My Uncle Claude commented on my last entry "I just want to make sure in your mind you are not waiting for the pefect time, perfect gym, perfect diet or perfect blog before you start to move forward." I agree with him 100%. I know I have allowed some or all of those to be excuses in my mind in the past. I tell myself everything has to line up perfectly before the weight will come off. I have mentioned that this journey in my life has so much meaning, and because of that alot of emotions are tied into this "lifestyle change". It took three years to get to where I am today and it's not going to come off overnight.
I realize there is no perfect time, no perfect gym, no perfect diet and definitely no perfect blog. I need to stop letting these things prevent me from moving forward. They say "you are your own worst critic." This past week I learned I am definetely my own worst critic. In order for me to "move forward" I need to address the issues at hand instead of hiding in my shell. Luckily for me, I have this blog as therapy and I can talk about the instances that make it easier for me to revert to my old habits.
One night last week while at work, I ran into another employee of the Police Department. This employee doesn't work in my department so we haven't seen each other in a while. At the time, I was on the way out for my lunch break with a co-worker. Assuming this person didn't want to say anything to me in front of my company, I received a text message from him the next day. He told me it looked like I had gained weight since the last time he saw me and he began asking questions about my diet/workout plans. Of course this upset me, although I don't think he meant to hurt my feelings. I realize that these things come up occasionally, some people are just alittle more forward than others and to each their own. However, this caught me off guard. On a positive note, maybe someone who hasn't seen me in a while will be the first to notice when I have lost weight.
This past week I signed up for six months of personal training at my gym. I am trying very hard to give this time. In six months with hard work and dedication I know I will be pleased with my results. Here's to another day.... and despite my weaknesses I hope there is something for everyone to take from this. I try very hard to start each day with a positive thought. Otherwise I have found it is very easy to criticize anything that doesnt go perfectly. I hope everyone has a fantastic Friday!!!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Heavy on the Heart
I am alittle frustrated with myself and the fact that I have let a WEEK go by already since my last post. This past week was dedicated to soul searching, and I have really needed it. I found it important to come up with reasons why I have not been able to achieve my (weight-loss) goal in the past. I came up with a few answers to my question and would like to share them with you all.
I believe I am able to give myself a pretty quick self-assessment and if I'm completely honest with myself I can say that I have never given this 100%. Truly! That hurts alittle to admit, because looking back at my first sentence I already feel like a failure. I have realized that I am an all or nothing girl (Thanks Mom!) :-) and in the past I have been able to accomplish either the diet or excercise portion but never both at the same time.
Last night, I stopped at the dollar store with a friend to pick up soda and candy. Ofcourse I know how terrible these things are for me. I know that when I ask several different people in my life advice on what to eat and I get practically the same answer from every one of them, that what they have said is true and I need to take it and let it change my life. I know what is good for me and I know what to stay away from. I know all of this!! Yet, when I'm alone or with someone who might not be "reading the labels" as closely as I am, I sneak right back into the comfort zone. Once I get into that mindset that I've thrown it out the window it is very difficult to pick things back up to where I was even the day prior. When it was time to snuggle up on the couch and begin watching American Idol later in the evening, out came the two boxes of candy unfinished from earlier. Now I don't want to scare anyone by saying boxes, LOL these are boxes you would find at the movie theater. Overpriced (hence the dollar store purchase) and underpackaged. Nonthelesss, not good for me or the goal I am trying to achieve. THANKFULLY, I was snuggled up to an amazing boyfriend who wants to see me succeed and threw BOTH of them away without even thinking twice.
My workplace is another example of where I give in to temptation. Three or four days of the week it is very easy for me to drive through or pick up dinner on my way to work. Again, I know the repercussions of this habit. I know that anything from a McDonald's, Chick fil A, or Taco Bell bag can "live" for quite sometime without breaking down. If it doesn't break down naturally, it will live in my stomach just as it lives in the bag. Keeping the theme of being completely honest, I know that I can't blame anyone here but myself. I choose to pick something up for dinner on the way to work for convenience. It's much easier than waking up early, starting up the grill and cooking a piece of chicken. But moving forward, I said I was an all or nothing girl, and I need to cut out the fast food. But where do I draw the line? I can't ask others not to get the things that I have trouble staying away from. I can't ask people not to bring in cakes or cookies to share. How do you not give in to your temptations?
Occasionally, I have been asked if I keep a food journal and the answer has always been no. I can remember back to when I tried and failed at Weight Watchers. Logging what you ate was key! They preached that the bites, licks and tastes add up. Either I didn't believe it then or I was too lazy to do so, but if I continue to not log what I eat and not hold myself accountable this entire blog will be pointless. I am making a promise to myself from this day on that I will keep a food journal.
I am joining LA Fitness this Friday. I have spent this past week checking out different ways excercise because I wanted to make sure I picked the one that fit me the best. LA Fitness offered a program where I can have any two guests join me at any time for as often as I want. I feel this will be a huge help because nine times out of ten I will be working out alone. But there will be days when I don't feel like going to the gym or when I just need a good push. I have access to any location and my friends and family will be able to workout for free! They have scheduled my hour assessment with one of their personal trainers when I return on Friday. At that time I will get my current measurements, which I'm sure I will want to burn, but I plan to share them with you all so it is documented and some day I will be able to look back and compare.
I will leave this for now, I apologize for the lengthy post. I need not go a week without an entry anymore! :-) Thank you for sticking with me through my frustrations. I cherish every one of you and value your opinions!! Please feel free to share whenever needed. To another day closer.....
I believe I am able to give myself a pretty quick self-assessment and if I'm completely honest with myself I can say that I have never given this 100%. Truly! That hurts alittle to admit, because looking back at my first sentence I already feel like a failure. I have realized that I am an all or nothing girl (Thanks Mom!) :-) and in the past I have been able to accomplish either the diet or excercise portion but never both at the same time.
Last night, I stopped at the dollar store with a friend to pick up soda and candy. Ofcourse I know how terrible these things are for me. I know that when I ask several different people in my life advice on what to eat and I get practically the same answer from every one of them, that what they have said is true and I need to take it and let it change my life. I know what is good for me and I know what to stay away from. I know all of this!! Yet, when I'm alone or with someone who might not be "reading the labels" as closely as I am, I sneak right back into the comfort zone. Once I get into that mindset that I've thrown it out the window it is very difficult to pick things back up to where I was even the day prior. When it was time to snuggle up on the couch and begin watching American Idol later in the evening, out came the two boxes of candy unfinished from earlier. Now I don't want to scare anyone by saying boxes, LOL these are boxes you would find at the movie theater. Overpriced (hence the dollar store purchase) and underpackaged. Nonthelesss, not good for me or the goal I am trying to achieve. THANKFULLY, I was snuggled up to an amazing boyfriend who wants to see me succeed and threw BOTH of them away without even thinking twice.
My workplace is another example of where I give in to temptation. Three or four days of the week it is very easy for me to drive through or pick up dinner on my way to work. Again, I know the repercussions of this habit. I know that anything from a McDonald's, Chick fil A, or Taco Bell bag can "live" for quite sometime without breaking down. If it doesn't break down naturally, it will live in my stomach just as it lives in the bag. Keeping the theme of being completely honest, I know that I can't blame anyone here but myself. I choose to pick something up for dinner on the way to work for convenience. It's much easier than waking up early, starting up the grill and cooking a piece of chicken. But moving forward, I said I was an all or nothing girl, and I need to cut out the fast food. But where do I draw the line? I can't ask others not to get the things that I have trouble staying away from. I can't ask people not to bring in cakes or cookies to share. How do you not give in to your temptations?
Occasionally, I have been asked if I keep a food journal and the answer has always been no. I can remember back to when I tried and failed at Weight Watchers. Logging what you ate was key! They preached that the bites, licks and tastes add up. Either I didn't believe it then or I was too lazy to do so, but if I continue to not log what I eat and not hold myself accountable this entire blog will be pointless. I am making a promise to myself from this day on that I will keep a food journal.
I am joining LA Fitness this Friday. I have spent this past week checking out different ways excercise because I wanted to make sure I picked the one that fit me the best. LA Fitness offered a program where I can have any two guests join me at any time for as often as I want. I feel this will be a huge help because nine times out of ten I will be working out alone. But there will be days when I don't feel like going to the gym or when I just need a good push. I have access to any location and my friends and family will be able to workout for free! They have scheduled my hour assessment with one of their personal trainers when I return on Friday. At that time I will get my current measurements, which I'm sure I will want to burn, but I plan to share them with you all so it is documented and some day I will be able to look back and compare.
I will leave this for now, I apologize for the lengthy post. I need not go a week without an entry anymore! :-) Thank you for sticking with me through my frustrations. I cherish every one of you and value your opinions!! Please feel free to share whenever needed. To another day closer.....
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Start with Baby Steps
Good Morning!! Well, I can still consider this my morning. Because I work the night shift, I sleep during the day. I have noticed at times it gets difficult to find a balance between sleeping during the day on the days that I work and attempting to switch to a somewhat normal schedule during my days off. It really is difficult and some days I find myself wanting to take a nap mid-day just to regain energy. But I do this so that I can join my family and friends on their schedules and be able to visit them during my days off. I always enjoy family time :-)
Finding a balance will be very important while I begin this new journey in my life. I mentioned in my first entry that starting a blog was not just a New Year's Resolution. That stands true because the reasons behind this blog are very important to me, however the "New Year, New Me" aspect is always something to look forward to. I believe that a common reason why New Year's Resolutions don't work is because it's very easy to become overzealous. Setting too many goals in the beginning makes it difficult to see your goal through to the end. I have been guilty of this in the past, so I plan to keep the big goal in mind while making baby steps along the way.
Baby Steps are:
Cutting out soda/ sugary drinks- commonly known as "empty calories"
Drinking water with every meal
Power walk 3-4 miles as often as I can- this will be training towards my running goal
Cut out "bad" carbs- pasta, bread and also processed foods
Load up with veggies- I love this part! I can eat veggies until I'm full :-)
Tonight at work we are having a going away party for a co-worker. It will be a challenge for me to stay away from the all the yummy foods, especially the cookie cake! Did you know it only takes twenty-one days to form a habit? Changing a few current habits and updating them with my baby steps will drastically improve my diet and workout regimen. I want to thank my Aunt Michelle for the recipes and meals she taught me how to make yesterday! I am well- equipped with healthy food for my work week, as long as I can stay away from the things that know how to lure me in!
Wish me luck! Another day closer to a newer me!
Finding a balance will be very important while I begin this new journey in my life. I mentioned in my first entry that starting a blog was not just a New Year's Resolution. That stands true because the reasons behind this blog are very important to me, however the "New Year, New Me" aspect is always something to look forward to. I believe that a common reason why New Year's Resolutions don't work is because it's very easy to become overzealous. Setting too many goals in the beginning makes it difficult to see your goal through to the end. I have been guilty of this in the past, so I plan to keep the big goal in mind while making baby steps along the way.
Baby Steps are:
Cutting out soda/ sugary drinks- commonly known as "empty calories"
Drinking water with every meal
Power walk 3-4 miles as often as I can- this will be training towards my running goal
Cut out "bad" carbs- pasta, bread and also processed foods
Load up with veggies- I love this part! I can eat veggies until I'm full :-)
Tonight at work we are having a going away party for a co-worker. It will be a challenge for me to stay away from the all the yummy foods, especially the cookie cake! Did you know it only takes twenty-one days to form a habit? Changing a few current habits and updating them with my baby steps will drastically improve my diet and workout regimen. I want to thank my Aunt Michelle for the recipes and meals she taught me how to make yesterday! I am well- equipped with healthy food for my work week, as long as I can stay away from the things that know how to lure me in!
Wish me luck! Another day closer to a newer me!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Blog, Sweat and Tears
If any of you are like me, before the clock struck midnight on December 31st, 2010, you were already analyzing ideas to make 2011 a better year than the one before. Getting in shape seems to be a favorite among many New Years Resolutions, and justifiably so. Although my blog will be primarily about my health and fitness, this is not just a New Years Resolution. Many will argue New Years Resolutions don't work, and I could agree. However, today I write this entry at a crossroad in my life. Please allow me to explain a little about me and the "blood, sweat and tears" behind this blog.
Thinking back to a time when I truly felt comfortable in my own skin was at family vacation in 2007 to the Florida Keys. Since then, unfortunately I have sat idle-by and let my health take the back burner. Ofcourse, life gets in the way for all of us. I can blame my job and the stress it brings. I can blame the long twelve hour shifts and the fact that I work midnights. I can blame moving in with my boyfriend over a year ago and gaining "happy" weight. I will be the first to admit I have let things get out of control! I sit here today 60 lbs (just to put a number on it) heavier now than I was then. That's twenty pounds a year!! And for three years I have been allowing this to happen. Well no more!!
Just the other day, while on the phone with my mom I began to tear up trying to explain that I've become a private eater. I told her that I eat around others, and I also eat in private. There have been times when I get so ashamed of what I am eating and what others will think of what I am eating. I don't want to even consider a life continued down this path. I said earlier that I am at a crossroad in my life and I believe that with everything that I have. Thankfully, I am still at an age where I can turn everything around, and I plan to do so! I want to thank each and everyone of you for reading my blog. You heard about this one way or another and I thank you for supporting my therapeutic outlet while finding the raw version of myself. :-)
I am one day closer to a newer me!
Thinking back to a time when I truly felt comfortable in my own skin was at family vacation in 2007 to the Florida Keys. Since then, unfortunately I have sat idle-by and let my health take the back burner. Ofcourse, life gets in the way for all of us. I can blame my job and the stress it brings. I can blame the long twelve hour shifts and the fact that I work midnights. I can blame moving in with my boyfriend over a year ago and gaining "happy" weight. I will be the first to admit I have let things get out of control! I sit here today 60 lbs (just to put a number on it) heavier now than I was then. That's twenty pounds a year!! And for three years I have been allowing this to happen. Well no more!!
Just the other day, while on the phone with my mom I began to tear up trying to explain that I've become a private eater. I told her that I eat around others, and I also eat in private. There have been times when I get so ashamed of what I am eating and what others will think of what I am eating. I don't want to even consider a life continued down this path. I said earlier that I am at a crossroad in my life and I believe that with everything that I have. Thankfully, I am still at an age where I can turn everything around, and I plan to do so! I want to thank each and everyone of you for reading my blog. You heard about this one way or another and I thank you for supporting my therapeutic outlet while finding the raw version of myself. :-)
I am one day closer to a newer me!
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